My sweet little Abbi is 12 weeks old this week. She is growing so fast. I really wish that I could pause time, she is so much fun and such a good baby. But that is for a different post. What I want to talk about is how her turning 12 weeks old this week made me realize is that if I were still working I would be back to work this week.
When Madie was born I took my allowed 12 weeks off and went back to work. I am pretty sure that it was the worst day of my life. It was the day after Christmas and I left my beautiful little princess that I had waited almost 29 years for to go back to work. Luckily Ben had that day off so he was at home with her but it was still so hard. I don't think that I got through a single conversation that day without crying. I was lucky enough to find a babysitter for her that was close to my work so I could go and see/feed her on my lunch hour but I still hated leaving her everyday. Two months after going back to work Ben lost his job due to the economy. It was almost a year before we were able to find him steady work again. That was a really long hard year but we made it. And through that year we understood why I had to go back to work even though I hated it.
So when we found out that we were expecting Abbi we decided that we had to get me home. It was something that we had been working towards for a while but knowing she was on her way really pushed us along. It also helped that some simple math told us that my entire paycheck would go right to daycare. So we took the leap and I quit my job.
It has been a bumpy road since then. Slade and Madie were so excited to get to stay home at first but that soon wore off when they realized that they didn't get to play with their friends all day anymore. The fact that I was sick a lot didn't help matters either. But I think that we have finally gotten ourselves into a routine and we are all functioning much better.
I am so grateful that I get to be home with my babies. I am so grateful that I did not have to experience that dreadful day of leaving my baby again this week. I can't stop thinking about how lucky I am and how far we have come as a family. I am so grateful for my husband. He claims that I worked just as hard to get me home but he is truly amazing. He worked whatever jobs were available, he made so many sacrifices so that we could have me at home.
He works so hard!
He is still making sacrifices for us. Ben working in the oil fields in North Dakota is hard. It is hard on all of us. I get terribly lonely when he is gone. Slade is really struggling with his behavior. Madie has taken to biting her nails (fingers and toes) and has resorted back to wanting me to spoon feed her again. And little Abbi doesn't know any different.
Ben has it the hardest though. While we are lonely for him, the four of us at least have each other. Ben is all by himself in his loneliness. By the time he comes home he can barely handle it. He comes home and he can't stop hugging us. He is so grateful for everything at home. A home cooked meal, his own warm bed, being able to sit on his couch and watch his own TV but most of all he is grateful to just be home with us.
It breaks my heart that he hurts for us so much while he is gone. But I am so grateful that he is willing to do the really hard part to take care of us. I am grateful that it is important to him that I am home with our kiddos. I am grateful that he goes through so many painful days so that I don't have to go through the pain of leaving my babies.
I feel incredibly selfish but incredibly lucky that he would be willing to make that sacrifice for me and our kids. He is a great man. I am so lucky to have him and I hope that he knows how much I love him and am grateful for all that he does for our family.
Daddy you are the BEST!
We love you!
