Scaredy Cat

I don't know what my problem is... I am scared in my own home.

Before Ben left for work this past week I had him install some chain locks on our doors. I told him that it was because both kids can unlock the doors and Madie keeps trying to sneak out, but really it is also because I am scared here alone.

Last night I tried to go down to the road to pull the garbage can in... It is still on the street now. I got as far as the gate on the fence, freaked out, ran back to the house, slammed the door and frantically locked the door.

I did not even attempt to try to get Madie to sleep in her own bed. I just told her to go crawl in my bed. Abbi is still in our room anyway and Slade was with his mom.

The last time I was here alone at night was when he was gone before Abbi was born. I wasn't scared, I could go outside at night, I could let my kids sleep in their own beds. I guess I thought at nine months pregnant I could handle anyone or anything that tried to mess with me.

I know I am a huge freak. I am a grown mother of three and I am afraid in my home.

Now what?