Dirty Little Secret

I have a confession to make...

So... my kids don't sleep in their own beds... when Ben is gone... or when he is home really...

When Ben is gone Slade sleeps in his bed when he has school the next day but otherwise he is in my bed. Madie just starts out in my bed and Abbi sleeps either in the pack and play or in her bouncer (depending on how her reflux is doing that day) both of which are in my room.

When Ben is home both big kids start out in their own beds, around 3 in the morning Ben gets up and moves to the couch (because his back is bugging him) this is also right around the time that Slade and Madie make their way into our bed for the night.

On top of this Abbi does not sleep well... because I jump every time she makes a peep. When she wakes up I willingly feed her and she goes back to sleep. We do this about three times a night and at least one of those times I opt to lay on my side and nurse her instead of sitting up... which means now all three of our children are in my bed. Her doctor refers to this as me being "to tired to sleep".

As you can guess all of this makes Ben crazy and it is totally because I am to weak to make them sleep in their own beds. The real problem comes down to this... I am super paranoid. I am so scared that something is going to happen at night and I will not wake up or there will be a fire and I won't be able to get to the kids to get them out or that someone will break into the house and hurt the kids or that someone will break into the house and steal the kids or that... well you get the idea. I seriously loose sleep worrying about what could happen.

I addition to my ridiculous paranoia our kids bedrooms are on the other end of the house. It is a full 22 steps from my bed to the girl's beds and 26 steps to Slade's bed. I have already informed Ben that our next house will not have the bedrooms separated.

I have read the books and know what the experts say about teaching babies to sleep and I have also done some research about the benefits of a 'family bed'. To be honest I think I would be all for the family bed if Ben would let me.

Anyway I know it is not fair to the kids to get mixed signals. I know that I should have the same rules when Ben is home as I do when he is gone. So tonight I am attempting to have the girls sleep in their own beds (Slade is at his mom's). Both girls are there now, sleeping peacefully. I am sitting on my bed typing this post, watching "That 70's show", the baby monitor is cranked up as loud a it goes, I am listening to Abbi breathing, Madie snoring, and the neighbor dog barking. I have been in to check on them 4 times since I started writing this post. I have a nasty cold so I know I won't be able to sleep anyway so I guess tonight is a good night to give it a shot right?

So wish me luck... I will let you know tomorrow how it went.